How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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