I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
