Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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