i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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