Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
