it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
