She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
