I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
barbara walters just said penis...
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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