I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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