i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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