theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
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