omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
