winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
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