please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
