You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
