I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
