After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
