The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
