I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
