Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
