the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
