ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
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just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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