Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
