even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
