Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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