If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
