She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
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When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
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I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
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