Swine flu is the new snow day.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
