Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
