Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
