i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Say something about gay babies.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
