Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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