I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He? As in you personified your dick?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
