I accidentally had phone sex last night
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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