can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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