i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
