im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
