Yo dont text me then not text me
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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