Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
