I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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