once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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