pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
