I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
