At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
