i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
