Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
