This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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