your thong is hanging out like whoa
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
