2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
