Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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