You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
