How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Dicks are not precious.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
