69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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