It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Randomize
