Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
