So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
