So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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