its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
