Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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