so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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