Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Brb crying the tears of my youth
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
A+ Viking dick
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
