Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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