ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
