Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
